I want to deeply, deeply, thank everyone who has sent a comment, whether through the blog or personally. I didn't know the blessing it would be when I started writing, but the community of those who care or who have shared a similar experience made this whole process so much easier for me and my family. Your words and thoughts spread much farther than the internet cable & monitor - right into our hearts. Thank you from the bottom of mine.
Thinking back on my last entry I realized that you may have read that my mother's last words to me were not all that pleasant. I didn't even realize it, because I don't consider them her last words. No. Her last words were hours before when she woke me to say goodbye. That's my memory and that's what I carry in my heart.
I wish Blogger made it easier for me to access emails and contact those of you who responded and opened your own hearts, sharing stories and memories. I have a change to Typepad on my 2008 agenda (along with a lot of other things) for several reasons, but the ability to contact commenters is one of the main reasons. I also hear that it is easier to make comments on a Typepad blog.
The sun is rising here on a most unusually warm day for DC in January - 65 degrees. A hint of spring in the dead of winter. A reminder of new beginnings, birth, growth, life. I may revisit my mothers death from time to time, I think I still have a lot to say about all the different aspects and emotions that are a part of dying. But for now, I have to look forward, not backward. I have a book to finish and a new granddaughter to welcome into the world in a few weeks. Life goes on. And that's a good thing.
Less than a week after my mother was laid to rest at Arlington, we celebrated another ancient ritual - the baby shower. 25 women and 9 under 10 filled my living room with ohhs and ahhs and the traditional, "Isn't that cute." Little Riley Ann Crawford will now arrive fully equipped and in style.
At the end of the day when Samantha sat down, she plopped one of the new cuddle toys on top of her belly. We watched spellbound as Riley wriggled and repositioned herself, causing the toy to move along with her. Just as she was for all the other babies, my own 6 and the 4 great-children that have followed, I know my Mom will be here when Riley arrives. Why she'll even probably make it into the delivery room with this one, quietly hovering over her...Riley's own guardian angel.