Monday, January 07, 2008

Moving On - Looking Forward

moving onI want to deeply, deeply, thank everyone who has sent a comment, whether through the blog or personally. I didn't know the blessing it would be when I started writing, but the community of those who care or who have shared a similar experience made this whole process so much easier for me and my family. Your words and thoughts spread much farther than the internet cable & monitor - right into our hearts. Thank you from the bottom of mine.

Thinking back on my last entry I realized that you may have read that my mother's last words to me were not all that pleasant. I didn't even realize it, because I don't consider them her last words. No. Her last words were hours before when she woke me to say goodbye. That's my memory and that's what I carry in my heart.

my niece Ally, eyes wide with wonderI wish Blogger made it easier for me to access emails and contact those of you who responded and opened your own hearts, sharing stories and memories. I have a change to Typepad on my 2008 agenda (along with a lot of other things) for several reasons, but the ability to contact commenters is one of the main reasons. I also hear that it is easier to make comments on a Typepad blog.

strawberry filled chocolate cakeThe sun is rising here on a most unusually warm day for DC in January - 65 degrees. A hint of spring in the dead of winter. A reminder of new beginnings, birth, growth, life. I may revisit my mothers death from time to time, I think I still have a lot to say about all the different aspects and emotions that are a part of dying. But for now, I have to look forward, not backward. I have a book to finish and a new granddaughter to welcome into the world in a few weeks. Life goes on. And that's a good thing.

Less than a week after my mother was laid to rest at Arlington, we celebrated another ancient ritual - the baby shower. 25 women and 9 under 10 filled my living room with ohhs and ahhs and the traditional, "Isn't that cute." Little Riley Ann Crawford will now arrive watching Riley's every movefully equipped and in style.

At the end of the day when Samantha sat down, she plopped one of the new cuddle toys on top of her belly. We watched spellbound as Riley wriggled and repositioned herself, causing the toy to move along with her. Just as she was for all the other babies, my own 6 and the 4 great-children that have followed, I know my Mom will be here when Riley arrives. Why she'll even probably make it into the delivery room with this one, quietly hovering over her...Riley's own guardian angel.

7 comments:

~*~ Patty said...

You express yourself so eloquently. There is so much to say about death (and life) that many people never want to hear. On the 13th it will be nine years since our teenage son was killed. Time is teaching us how to go on, as we wondered for quite some time how we possibly could. We are blessed with connections, visits, not sure how to describe them exactly, but KNOWING he's with us. It took holding still and then believing that a bond as strong as Love truly never dies.
Brightest of Blessings to you and yours!

paulateach@cox.net said...

You write so beautifully! Your mom will be with you in so many ways; I know my mom is and will continue to be. And, like a mom, it's always when I need her the most!
By the way, my mom went into the hospital when I was in Ohio. She was in PA. We drove like mad through a storm to get there in time, and her "last words" were...What the hell are you doing here? Just like a mom to tell you that you should be living your life, not dealing with her death. As if I would not have been there. Take care, plese.

dogfaeriex5 said...

you have a wonderful warm and beautiful family and write so eloquently...you have introduced us to your family members and we have fallen in love with them all and i think we eeel like we are part of an extended family and we also grieve along side of you for the loss of your beautiful mom as if she were one of own family members..thank~you
looking forward to your new blogspot......
~kim

Kim said...

How wonderful it is that life is affirmed in the midst of sorrow. My own dear mom never saw me married, nor knew her grandchildren, yet I am sure she was there none-the-less. Stephen Hawking would say that no information in the universe is lost, but I think your words are far more beautiful and just as true. You will still miss her, but your mom lives forever in your memories, and that is the true immortality. Kim

Julie H said...

Lesley I have read every word of your blog, each post as it came and my heart has gone out to you, as I have offered up quiet prayers for you all. Still I have no 'real' words. Just wanted to let you know I am here, and sharing the journey. What a blessing that you are to ahve a new family member soon.

beadbabe49 said...

Leslie, your last posts have moved me deeply...I had to give you a "you made my day" award, but please don't feel you need to pass it on...I imagine getting back to your beautiful work right now is uppermost in your mind.

Anonymous said...

I lost my mother over 50 years ago. She, too, loved Christmas and we spent her last one with her, giving her her favorite things. She lost consciousness the next day and died January 3, 1954. But she is still with me every day because we are all blessed by God with His greatest gift - memory. Bless you.