I was talking with Cindy O'Leary about computers today (she just got a new MAC). And I realized that I have been working on a PC computer for 23 years. That fact right there makes me feel so old. I think of my computer days as starting when the Internet became the WWW or World Wide Web in the mid-90s. I remember another conversation I had with a fellow artist Lynne Oakes. Back in those early days she asked if I thought people would ever buy art over the Internet. I answered "no", thinking it was too emotional a purchase and that art is too tactile to appreciate on a monitor. Then I went and created my website in 2000 and proved myself wrong big-time, for I sold my art left and right, hundreds of Fragments through that website...back in the days before Ebay, Etsy and Blogs.
And now it has all changed and I am an old-timer. My website is old-fashioned, my HTML lacks CSS, my graphics are tired and my website traffic is down. Well of course all my efforts go into this blog now too, but even that is tired looking compared to what's out there now. I have always been one to focus more on content that bells and whistles. A few good, meaningful photos should accompany every post, but beyond that, do you need to see my Flickr account, my empty Etsy shop, links to fantastic blogs I've found, or blogs of all my friends who seen to have way more to say and way more visitors than I do, whose blogs appear as links on way more other people's blogs than I do? Should I care? Do I care? I don't even know. I do this for me but I want you to listen, or be interested in what I have to say. Pamela Allen said it best in her post on Motivation, "I make art for the rewards of being part of something bigger and richer."
Did I peak too soon back when I was one of the few with a cool website? Who is my audience? Should I continue to be "the Buddha", the wise one, as my friends call me, or redesign myself as more trendy and hip and try to become one of the "in" group? What is this drive to drive traffic to your blog, to "sell" yourself, to attract attention? I am the last person to seek attention in person yet I want it here. I don't want the crown of Miss Popularity, but I do want to know that what I have to say is meaningful in people's lives. I want to make meaning. Yes, that's it. I, who am constantly searching for meaning in life, want to share what I figure out.
Do you ever read a book or a blog entry and go, "Yes, that's it, that's how I feel." That aha moment when someone puts into words the very thing that you needed to know, that bit of wisdom about life that was, to you, still a puzzle with the few most important pieces missing. That's what I want to do. I want to do it through words and art and most of all I want to make your life easier and/or better for having found it out. The mass media has created a society that needs constant stimulation, the next new thing, 1/2 second visual bites pop, pop, popping with no chance to really see what's there. I don't think that's who we are, we, meaning you, the readers of this blog. We want to see, we want to know and we want to understand.
As usual, I had no idea I'd end up here when I started this entry. I can't help it. It's in my nature to make meaning and once I start writing, I go looking for it. Now that I've written this I do know what I want to do with this blog and my website. I still want to give a fresh look to them both but the content will remain the same. It's who I am. And if no one else is listening or looking, at least I know one very important person always will.....me.